Poems of Youth

1997-1999 (15-17)

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I close my eyes and feel the breeze from the nearby window/

I open them you are sitting across from me, smoke spewing from parched lips/

/there is salt on my fingers/I touch it/it rubs off/

I find little comfort in the grimy air/thick with trivial conversation and grey smoke stories/

You run rings around my eyes/and smile at me/I don’t know how to smile back/I can’t find comfort at this dirty table/

Take me away from here/I screamed at you/but these thoughts are not loud enough/

All I want is a cozy clean life/with bedside manners/and warmth on my skin/

I want to be happy/I want to feel free.

 

An observation of N.B

Just a child/that empty whisky glass/sitting, beckoning/in her hot little hand/

waiting to be refilled/so it can consume her soul.

 

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An old woman/the lines on her face tell her tales of tragedy and time/

her own story/in wrinkles and rhyme.

15.

I watch the red glow, like a fiery eye in the midst of rage.

Smoke, in ringlets and hoops, glide swiftly off. Feathery grey ash makes its way in a gravitational pull, to the ground.

Lights flicker, and the room is bright no longer

The glow of my cigarette burns out before me,

In the darkness I stand, not caring

one little bit.

Sound.

I’m finding some sounds have become particularly appealing;

the sound of my spoon stirring in the cappuccino..

EDNOS for the brave

Even if I wasn’t eating.. when I wasn’t eating, my mother would still make me sit at the table. Them, with their hot dishes, me with my coffee cup – saccharine sweet and light coffee. Sometimes I would watch with envy and unsatisfied hunger. Other times simply with disgust- the chewing and swallowing too much for my hunger to bear. There I would sit, sad, silent. Totally without realisation of acceptance.

Words have lost all meaning

Bidding, hoping I will be the one/lucky to claim

Throwing in the money/going nowhere/being still

Bidding in this lot/show me the prize/where is my soul gliding off to? / where is the door?

Silhouettes, danced, more/ take me away.